Winning the lottery seems like a pretty common thing for people to daydream about, considering that so few people I know actually participate. Yet we all still fantasise about how we'd spend our multi-millions. I've never bought a single lottery ticket in my life but I know exactly what I'd spend my winnings on. So I thought I'd share them with you today.

I'd first start looking for a home because finding something just right would take time. Something reasonable, not too big but not so small that I'd have to move out once I started a family. I'd want something with space to expand and a lot of land around it because I want loads of dogs. I'd also love a she-shed, or a home office so that I could put all of my free time, and effort into my blog.

here's some inspiration from my 'home office' Pinterest board

Next on my list would be to learn to drive, with a large amount of money I'd probably do as many lessons as I could in a short amount of time to get it done fast. Then I'd buy a car. Not my dream car because the insurance would be insane and even with millions of pounds, I wouldn't be stupid with money. I'd also buy D a new car, one he'd love and be excited about, or a bike if that's what he'd prefer.

I'd 100% go to an expensive salon and get my hair done. I avoid salon's and buy box dyes that my hairdresser applies for me at home because I don't ever feel like I can justify an expensive salon trip. I feel like, with money being such a non-issue when you're not constantly worrying about it. I'd definitely treat myself. 

I'd give my Dad the money to renovate his home and give my Mum enough to put down a large sum to buy a home for herself and to decorate it how she's like. I'd give some money to my eldest sister, for her to buy the small country pub she's always wanted and enough money to get it up and running, and I'd give my younger sister (as per her request), three electric guitars, three acoustic guitars and all of the latest tech for her to have a smart home, a grand piano, some AMPs for her guitars and a farm, for her to have all of the dogs's her heart desires.

Book a holiday. I'm not sure where I'd go, although I'd probably end up buying a campervan and travel around the UK and Northern Ireland first. Then, book a trip to America and do the same, travelling the entire country with my boyfriend would be an absolute dream. I would also 100% go and spend at least a few weeks with my bestie (who runs an amazing blog www.burtsbowl.com)

There are plenty more things I'd like to do if I won the lottery and plenty of things I'd like to buy myself, but to mention them here would take forever, here are a few honourable mentions though;

Apple Airpods, an iMac, an Apple Watch, a MacBook, an iPad Pro and the Apple Pencil (basically, just kit me out completely with Apple products)
An Xbox One S, a PlayStation 4 and all of the accessories and games for both.
All of the PC Games I want (which is mostly just all of the sims 4 expansion packs)
A professional camera, and camera equipment.
I'd join a gym and hire a personal trainer, and a dietitian.

 I'd love if you let me know in the comments what you would do if you won the Lottery.

It isn't obvious, you can't look at someone and know that they're being abused. Abuse isn't always bruised eyes, or a flinch when their partner comes near.

Its effects will stay with you forever, even subtly, on the good days you'll feel like you're over it and on the bad days, you may feel like it defines you. It doesn't.

It's losing your friends because your boyfriend isn't comfortable with you being around or even talking to the boy you've known your entire life.

It's being surrounded by a family you don't feel welcomed by, whilst becoming distant from your own.

It's feeling good about yourself for just a second and being made to feel bad about yourself for the rest of the day.

It's being made to give up something because your boyfriend doesn't like it.

It's talking about your passions to someone who would rather see you cry than smile.

It's feeling so bad about yourself that you genuinely believe that this is the best it's ever going to get, and that you deserve to be treated this way.

It's speaking but never truly being heard.

It's being ignored for days on end because you've done something wrong, but he won't tell you, he'll just make you suffer.

It's being laughed at every time you cry.

It's apologising because everything wrong is only ever your fault.

It's being accused of cheating when you never leave the house without him.

It's him having the audacity to cheat on you, at your party, whilst you're outside talking to your friends. He'll deny this for the rest of his life.

It's constant criticism, jokes about the way you look, the things you say, the choices you make, your weight, your hair, your clothing choices.

It's having to wear trousers, not skirts or shorts because he thinks you look too fat, and you look like you're asking for attention.

It's having him buy you size 22 clothes when you're a size 16.

It's constantly being in denial.

It's being called a slut, and a whore, just because you've put on some mascara.

It's having friends who love you and support you, who only ever see you hurting.

It's still believing that someone loves you, even when they only see your flaws.

It's a living hell.

*this post is based on my own personal experiences so does not apply to every person who has experienced emotional abuse*

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The last Month of my life has been pretty damn up and down.

 I went to several interviews, finally started a new job, hated it to start off with and seriously considered quitting (EDIT: I'm enjoying my job much more now, since I've settled in more, and I'm definitely not going to just up and quit). I ached all over every day I wasn't working because my job is so physically demanding that I honestly almost got stuck in the toilet earlier today. I started looking for work again and have suffered through various application forms and constant harassment from one company who don't understand the word no. Also, our heating stopped working, the dog had an allergic reaction, and I dropped out of University. (Sorry Nan if you're reading this!)

But things aren't all bad; I chopped off some of my hair, went more blonde, finally started earning money again, paid back some debts to family members, took some beautiful pictures in the snow and made a new friend [whose blog you should 100% check out here by the way]. I've also been using my free time to scroll through Bloglovin' and find some inspiration and spending some time with my younger sister watching films, singing along whilst she teaches herself to play the guitar and binge-watching Netflix together.

When things start to get stressful, I tend to step away from certain things. This time around it meant that my blog got put on the back burner, so here I am. Almost a month since I even wrote a post, to talk about the situation in my life right now, and to tell you all about my goals for Spring.

Make new friends, or re-connect with old ones.
I am the worst for not getting in touch with people. I have known my best friend for 19 out of my 22 years alive and I honestly think it's been almost a year since I saw him. Since becoming friends with Rachel (BurtsBowl), it has made me realise how much I needed good friends and generally good people around me, so I want to try and surround myself with only positive people from here on, and to find more of them!

Get out more.

At the minute I'm either at work or at home. I'd quite like to make the effort to meet up with friends more or even just walk down to the high street, or take the dog for a couple of laps around the park. Also, I've gained more weight that I ever wanted to so I'm going to need to be more active if I want to shift it.

Have a more active social media presence.
At the minute I am terrible with social media, I go onto Twitter, retweet something and close the app for days. I scroll through the explore page on Instagram and only post the occasional picture of either my dog or some flowers. I use my facebook page to literally just let my 6 followers know when I have a new blog post up and I am on and off with Pinterest so often that I honestly think we have a bit of a toxic relationship.

Start saving money.
I always tell myself that I need to start saving, whether it's for the future long-term, or even short-term saving to buy a new phone or an Xbox One. Whatever it is I'm saving up for, I need to do it soon otherwise I'm never going to get anywhere and I definitely won't be getting that Xbox One I've been after for months.

Stop buying so much junk food.
So much of my money gets spent on food. I am the worst and I genuinely think that I have an issue. I really want to try and quit this habit of constantly buying crappy food, and start buying myself things I actually want and need rather than chocolate that, let's face it,  I could definitely do without. I'd much rather treat myself to a new piece of makeup or some nice clothes, than a chocolate bar that lasts 5 minutes or less and just causes me to gain more weight.


Spend less time on my phone etc when with my boyfriend. 
My Boyfriend and I have fallen into the habit of spending the evenings together, watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, or Rick and Morty, whilst both on our phones scrolling Instagram or Facebook, paying zero attention to each other.
If I want to / need to be on my laptop I've been trying to let him know so that he can watch a film he wants to see that I'm not into, or so that he can play the Xbox for a while. I'm getting much better at not picking my phone up constantly but there's still room for improvement. I try and get things done before he comes over at 5 so that I don't have anythdon'tI need to do whilst he's over in the evenings/weekends.

Find a job I'm happy in.
My new job is hard. I'm not desperately unhappy there, but I could be much happier elsewhere, and in a different role. I've known for a while now that caring isn't what I want to do. I also know now that 12-hour shifts are also not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I'd like to try and find a job where I'm excited to go to work, and where I have good things to say when I come home, rather than coming home and crying on my Mum's or my Boyfriend's shoulder.

Finally, start a new hobby.
I've wanted to pick up a hobby since the start of the year but I haven't had the money to do so. Now that I'm back earning again I want to buy myself a cheap electronic keyboard and have a go at learning to play it. If I do well and I enjoy too I'll invest in a more expensive one, but for now, just a cheap one to start with will do me perfectly.

leaving you with a picture of my new 'do to end the post.

I seem to have a thing for lists. Currently, on my phone I have; an app that keeps track of all the new/newish movies I want to see (463), I have an app that tracks all the TV shows I want to see (this one doesn't tell me a number), an app that tracks the podcasts I want to listen to, and Xbox/pc games I want to play, and one that keeps track of all the TV shows I want to see/have seen.

I also have an app that I use to track all of the books I want to read (there are 351 fiction books) and I have a separate list on my tablet for non-fiction books. I have a list of beauty products I want to try, and a list of possible baby names.

I am addicted to list writing, and for today's post, we're going to make another. I thought it would be a cool idea to do an A-Z post of some of the books in my 'To Be Read' list (of course, not including all 351).

A- Almost Midnight - Rainbow Rowell

B- Beside Myself - Ann Morgan

C- Cradle and All - James Patterson

D- Dear Amy - Helen Callaghan

E- Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng

F- Frozen Charlotte - Alex Bell

G- Grief is the Thing with Feathers - Max Porter

H- How It Ends - Catherine Lo

I- I Am Not a Serial Killer - Dan Wells

J- Just a Girl Standing in Front of a Boy - Lucy-Anne Holmes

K- Killing Kate - Alex Lake

L- Luckiest Girl Alive - Jessica Knoll

M- Mothers and Other Strangers - Gina Sorell

N- Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro

O- One of us is Lying - Karen M. McManus

P- Pictures of Lily - Paige Toon

Q- (a) Quiet Kind of Thunder - Sara Barnard

R- Remember Me This Way - Sabine Durrant

S- See How They Lie - Sue Wallman

T- Tell The Wolves I'm Home - Carol Rifka Brunt

U- Under My Skin - James Dawson

V- (the) Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox - Maggie O'Farrell

W- We Could Be Beautiful - Swan Huntley

Y- You, Me and Other People - Fionnuala Kearney

Z- Zac & Mia - A.J. Betts

I tried to find a book for X that I would read and maybe just hadn't yet discovered. but couldn't.